Friday, November 24, 2006

A guide to understanding engineers....

OK everyone's probably seen it at this stage but.......Morgan has decreed that I must update the blog with something, so here goes......

Comprehending Engineers-Take One

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out," If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool!

Comprehending Engineers-Take Two

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it
was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect
said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for
an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the
passion and mystery he found there.

The engineer said, "I like both."

"Both?"

Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each
assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to
the office and get some work done."


Comprehending Engineers-Take Three


What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build the weapons; Civil Engineers build the
targets.

Comprehending Engineers-Take Four

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it
cost?"
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with
that?"

Comprehending Engineers-Take Five


To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.


Comprehending Engineers-Take Six

Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a
conference. At the station, the three lawyers each buy tickets and
watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked one
of the three lawyers.

"Watch and you'll see," answers one of the engineers.

They all board the train. The lawyers take their respective seats
but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door
behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor
comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and
says, "Ticket, please."

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket
in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The lawyers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after
the conference, the lawyers decide to copy the engineers on the
return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they
buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the
engineers don't buy a ticket at all.

How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one perplexed
lawyer.

"Watch and you'll see," says one of the engineers.

When they board the train the three lawyers cram into a restroom and
the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs.

Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and
walks over to the restroom where the lawyers are hiding. He knocks
on the door and says, "Ticket, please."

Comprehending Engineers-Take Seven

Three engineering students were
gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One
said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another
said, "No, it was an electrical >>engineer. The nervous system has many
thousands of electrical connections. "The last one said, "Actually it was a
civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a
recreational area?"

Comprehending Engineers-Take Eight

Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."

Comprehending Engineers-Take Nine

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied,
Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a
beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the
ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes
probably wouldn't have fit."

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